A note from Carl:
Each time I step out the door to go somewhere, I do a quick routine of a self pat-down. Wallet, keys, phone- and, if needed, sunglasses. The gesture is so automatic- my hands know the size and the shape of these objects, and if one is missing, I head back inside to get it. Simple, right? We know how to make sure we have the essentials.
A couple weeks ago in a class we were teaching, Erin recalled the great line from Stephen Levine about working with practices for softening the belly and opening the heart. He said, “Eventually with these practices, you get to the point that you would no sooner leave the house without softening the belly than you would leave the house without brushing your teeth, and for much the same reason!” There is a particular stench we carry and exude in our self-grasping, in our stress, in our habits of disconnection.
Imagine two or three essential qualities that you would like to embody as you go out and engage in the world: Could it be as automatic to make sure you have them as it is to have your keys, wallet, phone? I’ll be the first to admit that I walk out the door forgetting qualities that I aspire to embody much more frequently that I forget my wallet, yet I find the image helpful as a way to keep it really simple.
So often, who we want to be, how we want to feel in a situation is not far away, not terribly challenging to access, it is just very easy to forget. There is the great line from the Zen tradition of a hair’s distance also being ten thousand miles. When we remember, we are a hair away, just a tiny little tweak from what we would like to embody, yet when we forget, we might as well be thousands of miles away.
Often Erin and I, if we are going to a party, or are about to teach a class, or attending a family gathering, or even going to a movie, we will ask each other, “What is your sponsor?” Essentially, we are asking, what quality do you want to tune to in this situation? What quality to you want to forget and return to over and over and over? It could be many things- a sense of hara, a living connection to the ground, a good sense of humor, a commitment to deep listening, an orientation toward curious not-knowing. Or perhaps it could be an image of the dignity and rootedness of Maya Angelou or the sense of wonder and praise of Mary Oliver. For me, this can be like a life preserver in the sea of momentum and conditioning that can arise in interactions with others, and remembering them can be just as easy, and much more valuable that remembering my phone, keys, wallet, and sunglasses.
And as far as that sponsor that I want to check in with as I am out in the world and with clients and family today? I’ll choose what is pointed to in this beautiful new poem from our friend and gifted poet Brooke McNamara:
REUNION
When I had finally had enough
of my own endless,
uncreative complaints,
I made my promise to do better.
I turned around.
I journeyed backward
for millions of miles
and millions of years
into the end
of miles and years
to retrieve these words
for you:
You must be the one
to do or undo
whatever it takes
to remember and activate
your own
furiously prolific heart,
and your innate allegiance
to every creature living
and dying here with you.
Our whole world is aching
to be intimate with you
again!
Kiss me,
sweet one,
when you make it
home.
(isn’t she gooooood?!)
Wishing you a Happy Solstice!
Carl
Don't miss a single post. Sign up here to get them delivered straight to your inbox.
