|
A note from Erin:
Hello, beautiful human,
Belonging is tender territory, and for many of us, it’s tenuous. I hear this from so many people, and hear that it’s also what they’re deeply longing for.
There’s a wounded approach to belonging that we’re all likely familiar with. It’s where we play chameleon, changing shape and altering the self we present in order to fit in with a group. It never offers us the satisfaction of true belonging, because even if the group accepts us, that acceptance is based on the false self we’ve presented, so we never feel we truly belong.
There are more nourishing approaches to belonging that require our adult intentionality and our willingness to risk being seen as our true selves. I’ve got some lovely perspectives on belonging below, inspired by the poets.
I think of the late Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, who lived as a refugee outside of his home country of Vietnam for most of his adult life. He described “the cream of his lifetime of practice” as, “I’m home. I have arrived.” When I first heard this, I thought it was kind of cute. As I’ve matured in my own practice over the decades I understand the profundity of what he’s pointing to. It’s no small thing to truly be at home wherever we are.
Isn’t it amazing that someone who lived as a refugee – (one who was not at home in the conventional sense) – was so fully at home in his body, on the Earth, and in the present moment, that he was able to convey that sense of at-home-ness and belonging to others?
As David Whyte writes, “There is no house like the house of belonging.” In a sense, belonging is something no one can give to us. It’s an inside job, yet one that requires community. “The solitary work we cannot do alone,” as Ira Progoff called it. Once we grow this quality of felt belonging, it becomes something no one can take away.
The way we participate in life can “belong” us to it.
Let’s tune to Mary Oliver on this topic.
“Of course! the path to heaven doesn’t lie down in flat miles. It’s in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it.” She uses the phrase “the path to heaven” but we could imagine it as well as “the path to belonging.” It doesn’t lie down in flat miles. It’s in the imagination with which we perceive this world and the gestures with which we honor it.
As Mary Oliver writes in another beloved poem, I know, you never intended to be in this world. But you’re in it all the same. So why not get started immediately. I mean, belonging to it.
Why not get started immediately?
Time is passing. Before our time comes to leave these bodies, I hope that each of us may taste the experience of full incarnation – really arriving in our embodied lives. Fully present for wholehearted participation in our lives. I hope that each of us also taste the experience of full belonging, so that, as Goethe says, we are not just troubled guests on the Earth. As Toko-pa Turner writes, “The practice above all practices is to relinquish the immature desire to be taken care of in false belonging and to parent our own originality.” This is no small task, but a sacred and worthy one to carry.
We have a few upcoming offerings that root us into this experience of true belonging. One is happening tonight!
On Thursday, July 31st, we’re exploring this topic that is both dear to our hearts and important for these times: Reweaving the Tattered Cloak of Belonging. For so many of us, belonging can feel threadbare and confusing, or rooted in self-negation. During this mini-retreat, we’ll step out of the wounded approach to belonging – that of cutting off aspects of ourselves in order to fit in – and step into adult belonging – by weaving ourselves into intimate, caring connection with our bodies, our places, and our communities. 5 pm – 6:30 pm MDT.) You can read more and register here. Just $35. Recordings provided if you’re unable to join live.
We have two more Pockets of Flourishing workshops coming up during August – the last of this series of 90-minute mini retreats for the summer. Read more and register right here. And to those of you already signed up, we are so excited to be with you!!
For those who are women+ and want to go deeper than just 90 minutes together, my once-a-year, 9-month intimate women’s circle is now accepting applications. It’s called Women Embodied: Deepening Our Roots. As one of my teachers used to say, “Increasing complexity requires deeper roots.” And hoo baby, are we in times of increasing complexity! When we have our roots deep in the soil of our bodies, in our felt connection with the Earth, in our own heart values, and in a supportive community, strong winds can strengthen our heartwood rather than topple us. I love love love hosting this group. I offer one cohort local to northern Utah and one cohort all online for our global community. I’m offering an early-registration discount of $100 if you register in July – and today turns out to be the last day of July!
During these difficult times, we truly have no idea what might unfold between now and next May, which is when Women Embodied: Deepening Our Roots concludes. I find it to be such a gift to invest our time in a nourishing community circle and in wise practices that offer reliable refuge and support during unsteady times. Women Embodied is a circle where you’re welcome as your ordinary self in all your wisdom and confusion, and in the mess and beauty of real life. It is a soft landing place in a hard world.
Many women tell me that they find great healing in being with other women in a circle that is free of competition and the less-than-life-giving ways we may have been met by other women in our history. We can help each other flourish. And in Women Embodied, we do.
This is an intimate circle of no more than 12 people per group. I hear from so many how their time in this circle, whether they come once or return to deepen year after year, ripples benefits into their inner lives, their relationships, their work, their community. I’d love to invite you to join us. One participant wrote, “I would say that it is the most soul-stretching, soul-satisfying group work I have ever been engaged in.” Another said, “This has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me.” Yet another participant wrote, “Thank you so much for creating such a beautiful and safe space for growth and exploration— even virtually! I am positively amazed by not only how much I learned, but also how connected I feel to everyone in the group. You have some magical superpowers for creating such an intimate virtual space. Thank you again — I really didn’t know what to expect, but this blew me out of the water!”
Here’s the thing: Knowing the information doesn’t help as much as immersing ourselves in regular, embodied practice does. The fierce truth is this: You get good at what you practice. We practice all of this in a group context where we can taste true belonging.
The world keeps changing, so rapidly these days. Our bodies are changing. Our relationships, our life situations – they keep changing. Having a regular weekly context – where you can slow down, come home to your deep self, listen to your life through your wise body, and remember what really matters to you, as you find yourself held in a supportive community, with repeating chances to unwind tension and find new somatic possibilities; to not just be blown by the fierce winds of change – it’s a gift. It is good for us and it also supports us in becoming the wise, compassionate, and grounded women the world and our communities need.
The application window for Women Embodied is open. 12 women, 9 months of soulful repetition, weekly together. ($100 off for July registration – today’s the last day to save.)
I’m also currently at work on the webpage for our year-long depth training, Refugia, which will begin in early November. We’ll be sharing more details on this potent offering which – y’all – I’ve been cooking up for years (!!) very soon. I think it will arrive right on time. This in-depth training will meet weekly online for 13 months, going deep into practices and weaving threads we find to be potent and powerful in ripening the kinds of adults and elders the world so needs. This will be for a circle of 45 people and all genders will be welcome to join. Look for more details and an invitation to apply to Refugia, this offering coming straight from our hearts and years of study, teaching, and practice, very soon.
Carl and I hope you are finding many ways to lean into nourishing community and to free your love for the world. It truly matters. More than ever.
I had a beautiful trip to Northern California to pick our son up from an amazing camp. Carl is heading down south to share some Musica do Circulo, body percussion, and Circlesongs at the Elkhorn Earth Skills gathering in Boulder, Utah. We’ve got family in town and are enjoying the sweetness of summer as much as we can. The calendula flowers are abundant, the rose is blooming again, the corn is starting to set tassels, and the raspberry harvest is on! I’m at work on a beautiful book I can’t wait to share with you when the time is right.
It feels so good knowing you’re out there being you.
May you be blessed and may you bless.
From my heart,
Erin
Don't miss a single post. Sign up here to get them delivered straight to your inbox.
